U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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