yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
