$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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