if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
