Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
