Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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