we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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