dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
