We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
