i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will be naked everywhere
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
