at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
