i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
