If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
