Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
