K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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