Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
