Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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