If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
