I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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