Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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