i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
