In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
