you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
