I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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