i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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