Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
