I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
