I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
