I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
