It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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