Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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