You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
