it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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