So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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