My first STD was from a foam party
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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