dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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