And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
