God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
