I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
