Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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