He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
