But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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