WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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