your parents love me but you hate me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
