Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
