Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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