CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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