I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
