I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
