Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
