I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
