HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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