i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
