i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
