We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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