I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
