Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
