hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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