I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
