I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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