Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize