oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
