We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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