Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
