I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
