Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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