Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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