I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize