dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
