"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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