I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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