Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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