Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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