I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
