I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
