he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
