Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
